Letter to the Editor: Domestic Violence

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Dear Editor,

The focus of domestic violence this month should be the awareness that it is a part of addiction at a deep subconscious level. Addiction in any form is a progressive illness that leads to insanity or death without intervention according to the American Medical Association.

It takes two to tango and the law that “like attracts like” is a dominant part of domestically violent partnerships. They alternate between the persecutor and victim. However, the more emotionally insecure and fearful person, usually bullies the other, while the victim knows which buttons to push of the intimidator. This passive aggressive game spirals downward, occurring without conscious thought because they are often coming from a past that modeled this dysfunctional interaction.

Therefore, they are both looking for love from an unavailable, fearful, immature partner, while wearing masks to compensate for the missing social and emotional skills not learned earlier. Both people need appropriate therapy to create self-love, engender self-esteem, and learn healthy relationship behaviors. The time-span and depth of recovery usually takes years.

Overcoming my history of growing up in domestic violence and being in a thirty year battering and abusive marriage took many years to become a mature, healthy adult in a rational and functional relationship. The work may be difficult but worth every pain of growth to find your self and not look to others to make you happy or take care of you.

Marilyn Redmond
Edgewood, WA

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